T minus 8 weeks

I'm beyond surprised that we've hit this point. When we first learned we were pregnant in January, this was so far into the future as to be unimaginable. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but I refuse to reach for it yet in case I might jinx something. I know I'm being ridiculous, but there you go.

Yesterday was our last baby class. It's not the last class we have in relation to this pregnancy - we still have Baby Boot Camp, Breastfeeding, and Bear Essentials to look forward to - but it was the last of the one which covers birth preparation and delivery.

Yesterday's class ended with the mothers and the fathers splitting into separate groups and discussing concerns with each other. The men had a list of questions they were supposed to answer, but the women's group was more free form. I found it interesting and helpful. I was finally able to voice to people other than my husband my constant concern over this pregnancy. Not that I've actually had much reason to worry (who needs a reason?), but given our infertility issues, age, and the time it took to get to this point, this pregnancy has always felt so fragile. I know what a miracle it was for us to get here. I can't take it lightly. It felt good to finally air it out.

I learned that the woman sitting next to me has many of the same concerns. Though younger, she dealt with a miscarriage and an ectopic pregnancy before getting pregnant again with this one. She worries over every twinge, cramp, symptom, and lack thereof like I do. She even worried when she wasn't feeling her baby move as much on some days as on others. The only difference is that she had the wisdom to ask her doctor if that was normal (and for those of you wondering, yes, it is). It feels good not to be alone.

Speaking of worries, I had a momentary bout of panic yesterday afternoon during our OB appointment. It took the doctor awhile to find the baby's heartbeat. Never mind that I felt her moving shortly before he came in. When it didn't register within five seconds, I shot right into panic mode. He did find it eventually. It was a faint 154. She's evidently lying in a less than ideal position for the doppler to easily pick up her heartbeat. Why does she do this to me? For that matter, why do I?