I don't feel like a mother yet. I worry about Kate, I'd do anything I can to keep her safe, I want what's best for her, I want to help her grow and become an confident and idependent little girl, but I don't feel like a mother. I still feel like me. I don't know. Maybe it's because life feels normal with Kate. I don't remember what life was like pre-Kate (could be the sleep deprivation). It doesn't feel changed or new which is strange because it's both. I can't quite describe it.
We've hit a milestone with the little girl. She's sleeping in her crib. Not for long - the longest stretch was 3.5 hours last night - but the point is, she's in her crib, not the swing or in someone's lap. She's actually able to soothe herself well enough that she isn't having meltdowns everytime she touches the mattress. There's hope!
DH and I have discussed future children. We've decided - again - that Kate is it. We'd both like more, and if we were younger, we'd try. That's the crux. If we were to try again, I'd be at least 41 when the next child is born, and that's assuming we managed to get pregnant the moment we started trying. We don't want to put our future children at risk for Down's Syndrome or other "advanced" maternal age related problems. And I don't want to return to the disappointments and frustrations of TTC. We're content. One is enough.
6 comments:
So great that you're in sync with Kate and can't remember life without her. You'll feel like a mommy as time marches on and you earn your "badges" of honor, such as rescuing your little one from the top of the mcdonalds playland, proudly showing off the spit up on your shoulder when you're out in public, and being the only one that she wants out of a room full of people :) You'll feel like a mommy in no time! I'm not going to say much about your decision to have future children, because it is your decision. All I'm going to advise is, don't close the door. Even if you keep it open a crack, just keep it open. You never never know what life may bring, and there's a very good possibility that you could go on to conceive and bear and perfectly healthy sibling for Kate one day. Let God help you decide if and when that should be. He knows all of your fears and will direct you. Keep praying. Don't convince yourself to stop. That's all I'm saying. God bless!
Most folks can not even think about adding another kiddo until they're sleeping through the night. I know that I did not trust any decision I made in my sleep-deprived state until then. I remember (after 6 months) waking up after an entire night of luxurious sleep feeling like a whole new woman. It will happen for you too! Patience!
My last baby was born when I was almost 43. He is the greatest joy for all of us! My ten-year-old son asked me just this morning: "Mom, will this be our last baby?" I said, "I don't know.... maybe." He said, with longing, "Oh, I hope we have another baby!!"
Keep the door open.... It's impossible to make that decision when you have just given birth. It's like surgeons who ask the mom on the table after the c-section whether or not she wants her tubes tied! I think it's criminal to ask a woman in that state such a huge question....
Just my two cents.... :)
Oh, and I'll be 41 when this baby is born (#7) and we are definitely not done! I know about a gazillion ladies having babies in their 40s - my inspirations! Blessings!
I'm just wondering how you are going to be so certain that your plan will work without sterilization? Because it seems like lofty goals that are only meant for a creator to decide.
It's interesting that you say, as I know they called you "advanced" maternal age when you were pregnant...But even with my own condition my children are at risk for mental retardation. In the end it is not up for me to decide nor do I have that kind of control how my children will be presented to me...There are always risks, but they are worth taking.
I'm not certain our plan will work, but we'll be practicing Creighton Model in reverse and minus the supplements that probably helped us to become pregnant. If something happens and we find ourselves in the family way again, so be it. I always wanted two children, but I'm content with one, especially when I never truly imagined we'd have even one. We're in a good spot now.
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