I have a child now for which I'm eternally grateful. She was always hoped for but never expected. To have her here with us now is something I still haven't gotten used to. And now that she's here, we're no longer TTC. I'm 41, DH is 42. We'd like more, but we're done. Kate is enough for us.
So why do I still feel jealous every time I see a pregnant belly? Every time. They're everywhere, by the way. I see one and I feel a jealous pang erupt inside. Shouldn't I be over this? It's like it's ingrained now. I'm Pavlov's dog: see pregnant woman, drool with envy.
DH and I continue to practice Creighton, this time in reverse. It's surprisingly more difficult to use it to keep from becoming pregnant than it is the other way around. I suspect part of the problem is that my cycle only returned in May. It's still wonky - fertile type CM through most days of the month - and it may remain so until I stop pumping. But the rest of the problem . . .
When you're trying to get pregnant, you BD as often as you can during the fertile time of month. If you're not sure that you're in the fertile time, no problem, BD anyway: it won't hurt anything. You can't do that once you turn things around. You can't make a mistake. You need to be certain. Are we dry or are we fertile today? Don't know? Then you'd better err on the side of caution.
It's much harder being certain than I thought it would be. The fact that I always had continuous CM doesn't help matters. It's really continuous now with a lot of "L" to go along with the 10s, 8s, and 6s. It's gotten so bad that I identified my last peak day at three days before AF showed.
Our Creighton Model Practitioner feels certain we'll be able to pin this down. I agree with her, but it's going to take a lot of doing to figure it out. It's another lesson humbly learned that I didn't understand nearly as much as I thought I did.
6 comments:
It's so true that God designed us to have children, because we desire them regardless of how many we have, our age, our fertility status. Your longing for another one is totally natural and God-given. I would encourage you to be open to more, if not for you and your husband, for your little girl :)
We're open to more, if more should come along by accident, but age isn't the only reason we've stopped TTC. Neither of us wants to experience the constant disappointment of the month after month after month of failures we experienced the first time through. Once bitten, twice shy.
The past is no reliable predictor of the future, but we're realistic enough to understand that we're several years older than we were when we initially started. I'm likely within ten years of perimenopause if not full blown menopause. It won't get any easier. If we were to pursue TTC knowing this and, therefore, expecting nothing, we'd still be horribly disappointed with every new cycle and every BFN.
I don't want to feel that hopeless again. DH doesn't either. We've decided we want to enjoy our daughter completely without a sideline of frustrations marring the memories from this period of her childhood. She's enough. Considering we never expected even one child, she's more than enough: she's absolutely perfect. ;)
You gotta know I'd pipe in on this one. Was weeks shy of 43 with my last one. So many others I know have them well into their forties.
Why not throw all the charting away and just live your marriage the way most past generations did? Why chart at all? Then, if God surprises you, wonderful! If not, you won't be disappointed, because you weren't charting anyway. Kiss those charts good-bye!!
We haven't charted in years, formally. It's so freeing and so conducive to intimacy.
I'd love to see your sweet girl have the gift of a sibling. It's "the greatest gift you can give" your child, according to JPII.
Just my two cents. :)
PS: Not charting means you can have sex when you want to… usually that 'wanting' comes in the fertile times. Why throw that amazingness away for the rest of your forties, when the only reason you are going through this torment is to avoid a child that you are longing for and whom you would cherish?
I think having sex whenever you want is a win-win. :)
I know she's perfect, and enough for *you*, but is that what God wants of you?
Sorry, I'll shut up now and you can let me have it….
Though I am new to your blog, I would also encourage you to throw away the charts and enjoy your precious gift freely without thoughts of IF.
I truly appreciate the concern, and I understand where everyone is coming from. I've thought about these things for more than a year. But we're happy where we are. We know our limits. We know what we are and are not able to endure. I can't endure miscarriage, and that risk will increase with age. I can't endure month after month of dashed hopes, because I'd always hope somewhere deep down that "maybe this is the month" whether we're officially trying or letting whatever come what may.
We also don't want to have a child simply to give Kathleen a brother or sister. That's not fair to the second child. We'd essentially be telling that LO we only had you so Kathleen wouldn't be alone. But we love you too, Sweetie. If we try for a second child, it needs to be the right decision for us, Kathleen, and that second child.
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