I've dealt with IF and still feel it in my heart, but I have a little girl. I want to support those still trolling the IF waters, but I don't know that my support is particularly welcome. I'm on the "other side". Someone experiencing IF looks at me, she doesn't see me: she sees my child. And it hurts her. I know it does because it always hurt me. While I want to help - to support - I don't want to be the source of pain. So where does that leave me?
I am reluctant to bring my daughter into a conversation with someone who is an IF'er because, again, I know it will hurt. I feel as if I'm betraying her and the IF community if I defend or try to explain various aspects of parenting I've experienced or come to understand. Then again, I will always defend the IF community to the fertile community because . . . well, because someone needs to, and who better to do that than one who's experienced both worlds?
I don't bring up my daughter or the subject of children with a current IF'er unless that person brings them up first . . . or I try not to, at least. I slip here and there. You see, my daughter is very much a part of my life. I won't ignore her or pretend that she doesn't exist. She does exist and she deserves for her mother to acknowledge her. But I do try to be sensitive, especially with someone who would give a lot to be in my place.
I am caught between two worlds: the one I still feel very much part of in my heart and the one in which I exist today. Where does that leave me? Somewhere in the middle, I think. :)
How do others straddle the line? I'm curious.
(Rhetorical question, really. I don't expect that anyone will answer that, but any who wish to offer a perspective are welcome.)
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