Am I being a greedy brat?

Why – why?! – do people assume you want help? Hm? I didn’t ask. I wasn’t planning on asking, but suddenly, just because we’re having a baby, it’s assumed we’ll crave help. I don’t.

DH’s mom is still planning to come after the baby is born, I know she has visions of helping the new mother and father with their little arrival – offering advice, changing diapers, holding her. In fact, she’s hoping to come back again this weekend before I go into labor. (Sigh.)

It’s not that I begrudge her the opportunity to meet and enjoy her first grandchild. It wouldn’t be fair or right to keep her away while everyone else drops in for a visit after she’s here. But to drop by and stay for however many weeks? This is DH’s and my last time together, alone, in our own house, before the baby gets here. I don’t want to share it. Nor do I want to share our first days with her. She’s our daughter. I would prefer we had some time alone with her to get used to her, to get into a routine, to get to know her. This is the only time we’ll have to do this. I know MIL wants to be a part of this baby’s life, but let us have some time with her first.

Besides, where are we going to put her? Kate is taking her room. I really, really, wanted to start Kate out in there from the get go. I know MIL said many months ago that we’d have the baby sleeping in our room initially. I was adamant that she would sleep in her own room. I still am, at minimum for naps if not night time, as well. It upsets me that because his mom will be with us for a time, and because of that, we will have to make accommodations for her, possibly in Kate’s room. That would put Kate in our room instead of her own. We’re already being manipulated to raise our daughter in the way his mom sees fit.

DH plans to put his mom up in the computer room, but I don’t see how that will work for long. He works from home. She sleeps late and with that concentrator running. She also has a penchant for not leaving him alone while he’s working. She doesn’t differentiate between work time and home time. It can only get worse if she’s in the same room with him. It will drive him crazy. I really wanted the birth of this baby to be as seamless as possible for him. His mom residing in the computer room while he’s trying to work is not seamless.

We know his mom is likely planning to come to the hospital with us when I go into labor. I’d rather she didn’t for several reasons. 1) She’s still our baby. Can’t we have this experience to ourselves? 2) I’m probably going to be in labor for some time. It’s not like we’re going to show up to the hospital and, boom, have the baby. It will be a long, long, day. 3) I don’t want anyone in the hospital room while I’m in labor but DH, the nurses, and the doctors. This is a very private time, and I will not be in the best position for company. Besides, I don’t want anyone seeing me in that particular position – naked and panting with a baby being pushed out my nether regions – but DH. His mom will have to wait it out in the waiting room for however long it takes. That waiting room only has chairs. No couch. No place to lie. How is she going to handle hours and hours of that with her back? 4) Who’s going to watch the girls while we’re gone? If it were just Mugs and Sadie, we’d have our neighbor come over. But MIL's dog, too? She’ll be crated the whole time. She’s accident prone when stressed. Being away from MIL and in the crate for that long a time is likely to traumatize her . . . again.

I’m afraid I broke down last night while DH and I were discussing all of this. He understands and agrees with me. He would prefer his mom stayed home, too, at least for a few days. But the long and the short of it is that his mom expects to come, and should he hint that we want to have Kate to ourselves for several weeks, she will look hurt, say, ”Oh,” and innocently play the martyr. (It’s amazing how mothers pick this talent up. Nanny was an expert.) “I don’t want to be a pain in your butt,” she’ll say. DH will feel guilty – especially since his mom isn’t in the best of health – and he will start stressing. We don’t need him stressing during the first weeks of his daughter’s life. She may say she doesn’t want to be a pain in the a**, but she will pull out every stop to get her way, pain in the a** be d***ed. She knows her son. She knows which buttons to push.

I can’t put DH in the middle of this. I want to be fair. I want her to be able to get to know her first (and probably only) grandchild. I know she means well and honestly doesn't want to put us out in any way. She truly wants to help. I wish we could get her to understand that the best way she could help would be to put our needs first this time instead of single-mindedly pursuing her own.

Now, of course, I feel guilty and unreasonable about feeling this way. She has no ill intentions. She means no harm. She's not intentially manipulating us. I know. So I feel greedy and mean for wanting to keep our daughter to ourselves. Not forever, just for a little time. We'll never have these first weeks with her back. I want to experience this time with her with just the two of us. Why can't we have this time alone?

I envy my cousin and his wife living in North Carolina. No one was there but the two of them when their boys were born. No one was in their house when they got home. They had some time to themselves.

I'm grateful that my mom is hands-off. We won't be faced with grandmother tug-of-war.

On a pregnancy note, I think I lost my mucus plug on Friday. I noticed some thick, stringy crud at my last bathroom break before bed. We’re getting there.