Thursday, April 8, 2010

How long have people been imbeciles?

I read an article yesterday explaining that since the recession, the birth rate in the United States has decreased overall, but it has increased in women over 40. Of course, being over 40 I was interested. I read the article - Fine, fine, great, great - and then I did a stupid thing and read people's comments to the article. With the supreme confidence of the ignorantly stupid, about half the posters expressed their opinions. Let me give you a few of them. This is from the article, In a down economy, older moms' births still up in US.


"They probably figure they're going to need SOMBODY to support them when the reach their 70's and 80's"


"We need to stop population growth before it is too late. Two children is enough. Nobody should be allowed to have more than two kids."


"Jesus H! Be older! If your @#$% was dried up, then it was meant to be! Stop having babies when you are as old as the day is long. STOP HAVING KIDS!"


Here's a moving argument from a young lady who's obviously on the road to a PhD: "older parents are alirght, but think about this, would you like your parents to be like 50 or 60 wen u r in ur teens? i know by experience, they are too overprotective, don't let you have fun and well u r better off having kids between 20 and 30, do you want to walk your daughter down the aisle? Well dont have kids at an age over 35, honestly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"


Oh, and here's a real gem: "old tramps try keeping your knees togeeher"


"It is extremely risky for women to be having children so late. Not only will in most cases the mother be in her 60s when her children graduate from high school, the risks for down syndrome is higher as well as other deformities and disabilities, and I'm sorry but if you cannot conceive naturally, adopt, the world has far too many people for a selfish person to go and have IVF and other fertility treatments."


"The sad thing is that women having children in their 40s will likely begin dying just about the time their children are getting married."


"I would not want babies at an old age of 40's...VERY risky, and c'mon, you not only do you look like a possible grandma, you also are SO much more tired than a woman in 20's or early to mid 30's."


"Kids in your 40's!?!? That is sick and sad! You should live to see your children graduate high school. In fact, you should live to see your grandchildren graduate high school."


"The real reason for the extra babies, is that 30% of the population is unemployed, there's nothing else to do."


"What a sad thing, a 40 year gap in a generation. I would not want to be 80 when my daughters are 40, dead when they are 50. Children are not experiments, or the "new hobby", or little pets to be coveted and shown off. A woman who purposefully gets pregnant with that kind of gap is lacking something emotionally. It is extremely unfair to the person she is bringing into the world."


I'd go on, but I'm getting disgusted.

I love the ones that are assigning me to my coffin by the time I'm 58. You know, at 40, there's no possible way I could live to see my children graduate high school or college let alone to see them married and have children of their own. And if I do, I'll most certainly be a decrepit, old crone barely able to put one foot in front of another. I must be truly selfish to have a child at 40. The decision to do so is obviously all about me. Oh, yes, me, me, me.

I'm glad to know all this now. I had planned to take care of myself and live well into my 100s, happy, healthy, and quite active. Well, now that I know that I'm destined to die before I'm 60, I won't bother. Think of the time I'd have wasted trying to keep myself healthy.

There are other comments as well from people who speak up for the older mothers and really do make some well thought out arguments. The others, however . . . words fail me. That's probably for the better.

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Wow...that is just sad. I've generally come to realize that most people who post stuff like that are really on the fringe of society and know they can say ridiculous things on the internet because no one can call them out on it. And obviously most of those posts came from young people who don't have enough experience in life to know that life doesn't always work out the way you planned.

Sorry you had to read all those hateful comments but just be extra thankful that you are NOT where they are. Ha ha! I'd rather be 40 and pregnant than 20 and ignorant!

Praying for Hope said...

Ditto.

A said...

YIKES. I did see that article, but luckily it was in the ACTUAL paper, so there were no nasty comments to read! Geez. That is just awful- try not to let it get to you!!

... said...

Most comments are horrible. I never read them for this reason. I think it makes people feel “powerful” to anonymously spew out their ignorance in a venomous way that they would never do in general society.

Praying for Hope said...

I should know better than to read anonymous comments. I DO know better, but sometimes, my curiosity gets the better of me.

Cathy said...

Sweetie, it's been proven over and over again in study after study that OLDER mothers are BETTER mothers. This is not to say young women CAN'T be good mothers - it's just to say that older women usually ARE good mothers.
Don't you worry about those idiots spewing their personal psychoses over an anonymous internet connection. MY mother was almost 41 when she had me, and my father was 42. (Why no mention of old geezer fathers in this article? Oh, that's right. Because it's acceptable to attack women.) I had the best parents ever. I saw my friends' young parents divorce, get drunk, get high, act stupid, use filthy language, and vote for Carter.
MY parents were stable, loving, intelligent, cultured.
Thank GOD for older parents.
I'm one now, and I love it. I would NOT have been as good a mother in my 20s as I am now. That's not speculation, that's a fact.

Lisa Graas said...

The first commenter is correct. They'd never say that to you in person. The internet is a place where cowards can fulfill their fantasies that they are not, in fact, cowards...and where the ignorant may perpetuate the ignorance ad nauseum, particularly in comment threads. I'm told that I live rent free in the heads of many who disagree with me and have had death threats. If no one hates you, you're doing something wrong. :-)

Leila@LittleCatholicBubble said...

Oh, I HATE reading those comments, but for some reason I still do. AWFUL!

I know tons of women in my parish (five in the past eight months) who are 40 or over and just had babies. I have a seven week old baby and I am 43. So, those comments can sting.

But what a bunch of fools these commenters are, really! Tomorrow is promised to no one (I have seen young mothers die), and long lives are granted as well (I know several mothers who gave birth in their forties, and their children are college age and older now, and they are still going strong!). One has no guarantee, ever, of how long one will live.

I've been a young new mother (my first was born when I was 24) and now I am an old new mother. Yes, there are pros and cons to both situations, but the one sure thing is that all my kids are gifts, and all of them are happy to be here.

Cathy, I love your comment, and the part about Carter made me laugh. :)

My final comment, one of hope, is that many foolish, ignorant people do finally realize how stupid they were, once they gain some perspective. Chances are that the imbeciles you quote will one day feel sorry for their comments. I know that happens with me all the time. :) We must pray for them.

the misfit said...

Imbeciles is right. Obviously, there are considerations attendant on having children at a later age (which is why so many of us had fond ambitions of having them so young. WE'RE TRYING, OK?), and since a few brain cells may still be working, I guess the commenters sort of recognize that. I wanted children in my early twenties (bye-bye, early twenties...), but I got married with one year left in law school. I knew that even if I got knocked up on my honeymoon, my husband and I could support a family (though we were poor at the time). But that's not true for everyone, and obviously, there are also serious considerations attendant on having kids before you are enough of a responsible adult to take care of them! Moreover, the average age of marriage for women is now 27. I guess if you're going to have exactly two children, you could pull that off before 30 (assuming NO fertility issues), but since I'm guessing these same folk are pro-contracepting while you're married to "enjoy" your first year or so or whatever, then it becomes pretty tricky for the average gal to have her (exactly two) children in her twenties. Unless they're advocating having children out of wedlock...? Because statistics show that that's VERY good for children. And then, yeah, I mean, you'll (probably) see a year less of your kid's life for every year later you have said kid, but the average life expectancy for American women now is over 75. So, if you want to see the kid graduate from high school before you die, you just have to make sure you have him/her before...57. And the average onset age for menopause is 52. So that sounds manageable to me.

And I haven't read the article, but I don't gather the phenomenon is all about IVF (I don't think IVF is common enough that it could account for the whole statistic), so this whole "dried up" thing - obviously women who conceive a child over 40 naturally are VERY fertile. Nature meant them to keep having kids, apparently. And the "keep your legs together"? This is a new form of chastity that involves married women refusing to have sex with their husbands? And they say Catholics are repressive!

I know I should read the article, but if I had to guess a reason for the statistic, it would be this: women (those who are able to make a choice - not the infertile) have been putting off having kids for career reasons gradually later for decades. Now that there's a recession, let me guess: the older women who waited are thinking, "I guess nothing's certain about career, and I worked all this time, and when will be the perfect time? I want a family, and I can make this work," and the women in their twenties are thinking, "I just got laid off from my job as a barista, and maybe that notion I had of having a kid with my live-in boyfriend is actually not such a hot idea. Life is looking harder and more uncertain than I thought. Maybe I should wait a few years - and to get married - before I'm ready to have kids."

Just a thought. (Or twenty.)

Second Chances said...

Ahhhh! I had to stop reading those horrible comments! I agree with Ann. They just want to vent without being accountable. Not very wise. You go ahead and procreate! And dare I say try for #2!!!

expatbarrenness said...

My parents were also older - and they're both still very busy and active. (My dad just worked for the census (and he's 80)!). Don't worry!
hedwig