It's the strangest thing to read through Facebook posts and see former classmates chatting about their children's high school graduations or their college exploits while I'm contemplating my daughter's next "graduation" from the young toddler room to the older toddler room in daycare. Their children are practically adults - adults! - who will soon be heading off into their own lives and, should the mood and the ability strike them, creating grandkids. Heck, one of my high school classmates is already a grandmother (a surly, grumpy, sour grandmother who only knows how to complain, complain, complain). And then I see my little girl trying to figure out how to climb onto the couch so she can terrorize the cat.
I love my toddler more than anything. This is a fun age, really, with the way she interacts. She's growing tremendously. She's getting so tall. She's soaking in everything. She's demonstrating every single day what a unique person she is. She's not a mere child: she is an individual. The changes she's going through - the milestones she's conquering - are incredible. Seriously, the differences between Kathleen at 12 months and Kathleen at nearly 20 months are staggering. She's unrecognizable.
Kathleen is it for us. We made the decision to not try for more children before baby girl was born. It's bittersweet, that decision. Kathleen has shown us how amazing having a child is. We'd like more, but neither one of us is prepared to TTC again - and fail again - or face all the unknowns of another pregnancy.
But we won't regret having one child. You see, having an only child has its perks. For one thing, we all get to experience the firsts a child goes through for the first time together. They're new and wonderous for her and for us. We will never venture into the been-there-done-that territory because we will never do "that" again.
We also appreciate her every stage of development that much more. I'm talking even those stages which include tantrums, incessant boundary testing, no as an answer to every question, glass-etching screeches of frustration, and sleepless nights. They will never be part of our lives again . . . and I know we're going to miss them. Whether it's a new word or a screaming fit on the floor, it's a memory we will keep in our hearts forever.
Baby girl is a bundle of energy. She wants our attention. She wants to be with us. We want to be there for her. What's more, being our only child, we can be. Our attention is not divided between her needs and the needs of a younger brother or sister. When she wants to read, we read to her. When she needs held, we don't need to tell her, "Sorry, sweetie. We need to feed the baby now." When she's sick, we can devote our full attention to her without worrying that she's going to get her brother or sister sick, too. That ability to focus on her when she needs us is priceless.
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