Today is the third anniversary of losing our losing cat, Harry. I still feel terrible about it. We were taking him to the vet for blood work and treatment for his feline leukemia. He had to fast all day. The moment I got home from work and let him out of the basement, he headed straight down the hall toward his food dish. To this day, I feel terrible that I snatched him up at that point to take him to the vet. He never had another chance to eat.
He started having breathing problems in the car. He hated the car. He was panting and panicking so badly that he had an accident on the floor mat and the umbrella I had there (I can still smell it faintly whenever it rains). It seemed an eternity before we finally pulled into the vet's. They took Harry back right away for an x-ray and found his little chest was filled with . . . something. She didn't know what. She could have aspirated it, but she wasn't sure that it was fluid, and she'd have been doing the aspiration blind, without the guide of imaging. We'd have had to take Harry to another vet several miles away in rush hour traffic. He couldn't breathe!
We knew the feline leukemia was slowly killing him. This vet, a holistic vet, was our last chance. Harry's regular vet had only given him two weeks to live when he was diagnosed with an enlarged heart and pulmonary edema. That was 10 days before. We hated ourselves, but we couldn't watch him suffer any more. We certainly couldn't take the risk of watching him suffocate on the way to the emergency vet for something that may or may not help. We agreed to have him put to sleep.
I still vividly remember the yowl Harry let out as the vet was shaving his leg before inserting the needle. He was terrified. That's the one thing I didn't want. I didn't want his last feeling on this earth to be one of fear. I wanted to protect him. I couldn't. Three years later, there are tears in my eyes when I think about it.
Crud, I need a tissue. Harr was our boy.
Our experience with Harry is one reason I now panic when one of our girls gets sick. DH is the same way. Harry had actually been improving before that episode. We thought, even if he'd always have feline leukemia, maybe he'd still have a good life. He wasn't even 7 months, after all. Besides, Muggles had initially been diagnosed with feline leukemia, but she managed to fight it off. And one of my cats living with mom, Tolkien (Tolk's the cat, not my mom), had also been diagnosed with it as a kitten and was given three years to live. She is now 10 years old.
I'm thankful that we still have Mugs and Sades. They're our girls. They drive us crazy, but we wouldn't have it any other way. They're the best little things on four paws.
3 comments:
I/We love our "boy" so much too. Your story about Harry made me sad...because the truth is that we can't always protect our pets from pain and they can't tell us how they are feeling. Thanks for sharing your story. It was touching. I just gave my cat a hug. He laying on his back by my computer waiting for attention. What a Ham!
BTW: My brother believes that our pets are waiting for us when we get to heaven. Won't it be nice to see him again when you get to the pearly gates? The lord takes care of our pets until we get "home". Thanks Jesus!! :)
Where did my comment go? I must have not saved it this morning.
You got me all teary-eyed and I so understand the guilt and always wishing you could have done better by them. My pet died from the food contaimination from China (remember the 2007 headlines) and I still dream about how I was giving her (unknowingly) poison and how I tried so hard to save her for 3 days at thr pet hospital when I know she just wanted to be at home with no IVs (we would bring her home for a few minutes each day because we had to transport her from the "day" vet to the "night" vet and she would yank on pull because she didn't want to go back - very unlike her.) All I can say is you did right by Harry and gave him lots of love. So sorry.
Prayerful, I believe we'll wee out pets again one day. We have to. Heaven is supposed to be a place of eternal happiness. I wouldn't be happy if my pets weren't there; ergo, they must go to Heaven when they leave us.
Ann, I remeber the food contamination scare. That's the first time I've been thankful that Muggles and Sadie aren't big fans of wet or moist food. The incident still leaves me leery about it food with wheat or gluten as a thickener. I'm so sorry your girl was one of the victims. I'm sorry that anyone's pet was a victim. It was a tragedy that should never have happened.
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