I feel horrible. Kathleen was on the vanity while I was getting ready for work. I was behind her so she wouldn’t fall on the floor, and I kept my hand on her. I looked down for one moment, a moment where I had removed my hand from her back, and suddenly she’s toppling over, upside down, threatening to fall to the floor. I caught her but not before she hit her head on my open drawer. She had two bumps front and back. She seems fine. She cried afterwards but not inconsolably, and I got her to smile within five minutes of the bump. She was playing on the floor as she normally does not five more minutes that, although it bothered her to be laid back when I changed her diaper.
After speaking with two coworkers with young children who have been through this, they tell me if you see swelling on the outside, that’s good. It may look bad but the pressure is not building on the inside. It’s swelling on the inside that's the concern. Even then, since babies heads are still malleable and have not yet fused, they’re less susceptible to concussion or injury due to internal swelling since the swelling has somewhere to go. The skull isn’t too hard that it the swelling can’t push outward before pushing inward and causing damage.
All of this is good to know, but I’m still worried. I have, of course, looked up bumps in babies online. I wanted to know what to look for. They always give you the worst case scenario, though (no different from when I was pregnant and looking up various symptoms or situations). Once you have the worst case scenario in your head, it’s hard to let go of it.
I feel like garbage, I really do. It happened so quickly, I barely know what did happen. One moment she was upright, the next . . . . Thank heavens I was standing right behind her. I don't know how I could have been so incredibly stupid. I am such an idiot. Never, never again. So dumb. I don’t want anything to happen to her. If something should ever happen to her and it’s my fault, I will never forgive myself.
I feel like a failed parent. I know it happens to other parents. I now completely understand why they become so distraught. Even when the baby is behaving normally, it’s hard not to berate yourself over and over again. That little girl is our life.
5 comments:
Oh, I am sorry to hear about your babies boo-boo! I don't blame you for feeling horrible. Every mom has these things happen. Just for example, I was at a friends house the other day and her little girl hit Lucy on the forehead with a baby doll. I thought she might do that but I just didn't want to make a scene and drag Lucy away. So I got distracted talking and next thing you know Lucy was crying REALLY CRYING(she only cries when she is really hurt). Anyways, I felt horrible even though Lucy was fine. She had a bump on her for head which turned red and purple. Later that night I cried and cried in bed for not protecting her better. I felt like a HORRIBLE mother!!!
Anyways, my point is it is normal to have accidents, and feel like a bad mom. But you're a great mom!!! You really are! Don't be to hard on yourself :)
I'm still choking up now and then. She's fine. I stopped by to check on her at daycare and she was just waking from a nap. She stretched, didn't cry - wouldn't know anything had happened. But I worry. I'm mad at myself for knowing better. I suppose everyone runs into this. People keep telling me it's the first of many accidents and I'll get used to it. I hope so, otherwise, it's going to be a long and stressful childhood.
Your a wonderful mother who made a mistake, and fortunately she is ok, so you learned a little lesson and move on. But I dont think these things are 100% avoidable, I have to agree with what others have said, this is one of many accidents to come, and it doesnt make you a bad mother or misfit...were human and things like this happen all the time. Don't be so hard on yourself. xoxoxoxoxox
Oh my gosh, trust me when I say it happens to EVERY mother. We just have to do the best we can and pray to their guardian angel for the rest. Be gentle on yourself.
I pray that her guardian angels surround her every night and that she's protected from our stupidity. In hindsight, it's a good prayer.
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