I always grow introspective this time of year. Four years ago was my due date. My baby could come any day although she'd ultimately choose to wait another week. I was so happy.
I've been thinking how my perspective has changed since then. Really, I've been thinking how naive I was. I believed my expectations were realistic. After all, I wasn't one of those women who was going into labor with some sort of ridiculous birth plans. I knew what I wanted, but I was keeping my options open. Even the best laid plans go awry. I planned to go with the flow.
I like to think my no plan birth plan went quite well. No plan, no disappointments. It's everything else since that hasn't gone to plan or expectations. Indeed.
I was going to exclusively breastfeed my baby for the first few months, and then I was going to find a way to pump at work. I had nothing against formula. I just wanted to give my baby best that I could. Well ... Kathleen was born with a tongue tie which made breastfeeding excruciatingly painful, and on top of that, mom couldn't produce. We were on formula in three weeks, although I did pump - at home - until she was 13 months.
Kathleen was going to be introduced to and eat a wide variety of food. She wouldn't be one of those children who ate from the plain, boring, chicken-nuggets-and-pizza children's menu. She would be thrilled for a plate of whole wheat Pasta Primavera. She would grow up loving veggies. Then I learned that pizza and macaroni and cheese are, in fact, preferable to nothing at all (she doesn't like chicken nuggets) which is nearly what her diet would be without them. All right, I exaggerate slightly. She will eat fruit. But there are other days when she lives on nothing more than oxygen and milk.
I would be a beacon of calm and strength in the storm of my child's meltdowns ... except for the fact that she chose to have two of them at work, and I desperately would try to hustle her into the car or the elevator in front of a squadron of Capitol Police before they decide to stop standing idly by and instead arrest me for disturbing the peace or kidnapping. No officer, really, she is my daughter. I don't know why she's trying to break out of the car.
She would never touch an iPod, iPad, iPhone, or the like until high school. Hmm. But you see, it turns out that they're SUCH a handy distraction in public places like restaurants, grocery stores, and airplanes flying thousands of feet in the air and filled with fellow passengers who aren't all that fond of banshees sitting three rows down and one seat over.
She would never watch mindless drivel on TV. Then I learned how useful drivel can be when trying to make dinner. I like dinner. I am usually hungry by dinnertime. But she is very, very ... distracting at times. Mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy ... on repeat. And (sigh) I just introduced her to some of the mindless drivel of my youth. But Scooby Doo (minus Scrappy) was GOOD drivel. And The Magic School Bus and School House Rock are educational as well as enjoyable.
She would never, ever watch Sponge Bob Square Pants. Well, okay, on that one I am standing firm.
She would be asleep every night be 7:30 or 8:00 at the latest. Ha! Only if we move out west and neglect to inform her of the time change. We might have a few weeks before she saw our three hours and raised us another two.
I am very well aware that raising a child takes time, thank you very much. I am certain I'll still be able to exercise daily, walk the dog, walk the cat, make healthy meals from scratch, bake, and clean the house. Right. On that one I'm smacking my head in disbelief over how truly, truly, truly naive I was. Picture me trying not to laugh at my younger self right now.
The gap between what I thought I knew and how much I realize I still don't know is huge. It feels much like the time that I graduated college. With my degree in hand, I knew it all. I was ready to show the world. More than 20 years later, I am still learning. I will never stop. That goes for living life and raising my daughter. It's an interesting adventure. I am better for it -- still stupid, at times, but better for it.
I can't wait to find out how much more I don't know about kids over the next four years. This should be fun.
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