It's been a year today since the Selective HSG/Hysteroscopy/Laparoscopy. I was a nervous wreck. I'm more than happy that I'm not going through that again today. But the anniversary of the surgery has made me think over what's happened in the year since. My answer: nothing. Nothing at all.
I've had two appointments with my doctor, and one of those was the follow up to the surgery. Two lousy appointments. The only thing I'm doing differently now is the Mucinex. That's it. We are running in place! It's depressing.
At 39, I don't want to run in place: I want to move forward. Time certainly isn't standing still. Every day that passes is another day closer to menopause. I don't have 10 years left. I can't afford to waste an entire friggin' year. My doctor keeps saying I'm 39 years young. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know that and for the most part, I agree. Tell that to my body. Tell it to my reproductive organs. They fully embrace the 39, but they have issues with that "young" part.
Time and time again, I wonder if I made the correct choice to go with this doctor, to pursue the Napro track. Deep down, I believe I did, but the desperate part of me is kicking myself for not pursuing IVF. Perspective changes when you're nearing the end of your fertile life. I know the procedure. I understand the risks. Realistically, it's probably our last, best hope.
What a stumbling block. Take the road that will most likely lead to a baby but is ethically questionable, or take the moral route that can also lead to a baby but possibly not before menopause devastates the dream? That's Napro's biggest drawback: it works, but it takes time. Well and good when you're in your 20s, but late 30s . . . ?
Well, looking forward. We pursue Napro, exhausting all its avenues until nothing remains, not even the dream.
You see, that's why you don't look back. It's discouraging. Onwards and upwards, always onwards and upwards.
8 comments:
It only took 3 months to really get nitty gritty and tackling my hormonal issues after surgery. And they were a complete MESS!
I was very aggressive and in contact with my doctor's office on a weekly basis, writing letters, calling, blood work, asking for new treatments etc.....He was resistant I felt at times to get me off prometrium and onto HCG....All my monthly drugs I have is because I asked for every single one of them, they were NEVER offered to me.
I am sure that IVF would have lasting emotional effects on you and your marriage.
Maybe you can go to an RE for a more agressive treatment plan since your surgery is taken care of and napro isn't working for you now, or get on the phone and hound that office, get some clomid!!!! :)
I am definitely not opposed to IVF, but a friend of mine who miscarried after a successful IVF cycle has made it her personal mission to inform people she knows who may be considering it that it costs as much emotionally as it does financially. She is obviously not opposed to IVF either, but it is important to her that people know what they're getting into, emotionally-speaking. One thing she is most adamant about is people being realistic about its success. Obviously to certain folks, it has the absolute highest success rate, but even that is definitely not 100%. Emotionally, you are hanging your heart on the success percentage and with every payment and medicine-regimen and good follicle check or whatever else monitoring that happens, you become more emotionally invested in the thought that it'll work (and maybe it will). But sometimes it doesn't...
People who have picture-perfect IVF cycles and healthy babies 9 months after that (my acquaintance N who doesn't speak to me anymore) may never have to deal with the emotional cost that is paid after an unsuccessful IVF cycle, or a successful IVF cycle followed by a miscarriage. But it's important to consider when trying to decide about what options you want to pursue :)
Will be praying as you decide what step to take next!
I had to leave the napro dr I was seeing for he couldn't do the surgery that I somehow knew and learned (thanks to this blog) that I needed. So, I went to an RE I knew would be aggressive for this office has been around a long, long, time (and they are on my ins. plan). They do IVF's etc...and they do a lot of other treatments that I know are morally acceptable....it has never been a tough choice for me/us. I know of a few couples that have gone with IVF and they failed. There is no guarantee that would work. I will keep you in my prayers as you discern what to do. I totally get the getting older thing...you and I are the same age! It drives me nuts...but right now, the RE says I'm still healthy in the fertility sense. Thank God for that! I think you should keep trying for that is in your heart....maybe a new RE would give you a different perspective and treatment plan. Good luck with it all. Many Blessings.
Among the reasons I don't see myself pursuing IVF are the financial and emotional costs. It's an expensive undertaking for no guarantee. And if it failed, I know it would devastate me. I know of quite a few women who have gone through IVF through an Over 35 board I post on. Half had no problems. The others either had early miscarriages, BFNs, no eggs that fertilized, or the procedure was called off due to no adequately developing follicles. They crashed hard. I know I would, especially realizing that we failed what would probably be our best chance of getting pregnant.
Not to mention the frozen babies? It really is just as scary as the birth control movement, if not more.
i agree with sew - hound the office?
have you tried clomid or femara? i'm sorry i can't remember.. sometimes all the blogs merge in my brain :)
I'm hoping to leave with a prescription for Clomid or Femara after next week's appointment with Dr. S (fingers crossed). And Sew, you're right. I thought about the frozen babies too. Not that I think it would be a problem for me (I doubt I'd be able to produce or fertilize enough eggs for that), but if by some strange chance I had more than I could handle, not wanting to go the Octomom route, I don't know what else I'd do with them. I couldn't have them destroyed - they're my children.
First of all, big hugs. I had a friend who struggled for many years, and ended up with a successful IVF, after a failed one. There is a lot of emotional stress involved, but there's still hope. Seeing her success this time makes up for the pain earlier. Whatever you choose to do, my prayers are with you.
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