It's not the pregnancy or the labor. It's not the all-nighters when the baby doesn't know the difference between night and day. It's not the frustration of getting them to sleep during the night or late the middle of the night feedings when they finally do. It's not the latching issues or the crying or the lack of sleep. It's not having to change dirty diapers or clean another outfit ruined by a blow out. It's not fishing floaters out of the bathtub. It's not the early struggles with solids and tablefoods. It's not the constant time and energy they demand of you leaving you none of either for yourself. It's not the never-ending frustration of not having time enough to keep the house even marginally clean.
Do you know what the hardest thing is? It's watching them get sick and not being able to do anything about it. It's watching them cough up a continuous supply of phlegm. It's wiping their poor, sore, red noses time and time and time again only to see them running three minutes later. It's hearing the rattling in their throats and noses and even chest with every breath. It's worrying over them - standing over their crib as they sleep listening to make sure they're still breathing - and praying that they'll be okay.
As you might have guessed, Kate has a cold. It's a bad one with a lot of mucus and phleghm. It doesn't seem to be clearing out at all although it's been a week. In fact, it's gotten worse with the pinkeye on top of it. I'm guessing it's RSV again and it's going around daycare. There's not much we can do but wait it out. I'm glad she's no longer an infant. She's better able to deal with it that when she had it as a baby, but I worry all the same. This is my baby. She's uncomfortable. I wish I could trade places so she could be healthy again.
2 comments:
thank you for your kind comment about nursing etc. My little guy is a bit congested & every noise he makes at night has me jumping out of bed to make sure he's ok. I have to agree with youy on this point!
Did you get much when you pumped & how did you do it? I tried but found that as soon as I would start he would need me & I got interrupted. I would get MAYBE 2 oz in 2 days :( so just decided it wasn't worth the stress.
Will pray for your little one & for her mommy!
There was a time where I could get about 12 ounces per day which was incredible for me. The other 18 ounces were formula. I have to admit that 2 ounces would have been frustrating. I'd have been okay giving Kate full formula if it had come to that. I was prepared for it, in fact, after I started pumping.
I was disappointed when we had to add formula to her bottles early on, but 20-20 hind sight, I have no idea why. There's nothing wrong with it. It didn't poison her. Breast milk did not add to her immunity as some have claimed any more than formula detracted from it. She's hitting her milestones. She's growing. She's learning. She's thriving. What more could a mother ask?
That's why I think you should be proud of what you're able to do for and with your son. You're giving him what he needs: the best that you can. You love him and care for him. You muddle through the rough periods (e.g. being paranoid about him) without regrets. That means a lot.
By the way, I would check on Kate more times per night than I can remember. I still check on her at least twice - usually three or four times - before I go to bed, especially when she's sick. It's not perfect peace of mind, but it helps.
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