I need to stop researching the odds for pregnancy when motility - well, forward progression - is low. Really, I should know better by now that the Internet enjoys publishing the most dismal information when it comes to infertility.
I have to remember that my husband's case is not the same as every other case of less than ideal forward progression. I have to remember that he does have some forward progression, although what there is of it isn't much and it's slow. I have to remember that there is a higher authority out there who can perform miracles.
Hmph. It's a shame I'm so darn forgetful.
Well, I'm trying. I'm really trying. I was so hoping the vitamins would help to improve DH's forward progression, but the numbers in that area haven't budged. I have no idea where to go from here except to a urologist. I'll need to gently remind that dear, sweet husband of mine it's time to set up the appointment. We don't have time to dawdle.
That's the scary part: time. I keep thinking that I'm 39. Have you seen the odds for pregnancy at 40 (again, way too much Internet)? The appointments we need to make take entirely too much time. Before last week, my last appointment with Dr. Stegman was in October. My next one is supposed to be in August some time. When will the next one be after that? Six months here, four months there . . . it adds up. Before I know it, I'll be 45, going through menopause, and still no child.
I wanted to be pregnant before I was 40! I wanted a child before my 40th birthday! When my husband and I originally discussed children, we'd decided that we'd stop 9 month before my 40th birthday. That would be this June. We're not stopping, of course, but the realization only emphasizes how long this is taking and how much time we do not have left. Eventually, we're going to have to stop whether we're ready or not.
If God wanted to test my faith in any way, this was the way to do it. I don't like it one little bit. I hate it, in fact. Even so, I continue to pray over it. Am I crazy? Yes, I think I probably am . . . but I can't help myself. I know that if there comes a point where I no longer believe that God is on our side, then I will be very alone and quite lost. That thought scares me.
So, through my continual disappointment, I continue to pray to God that one day, my husband and I will have a child of our own.
4 comments:
Big hugs!! Any way you could call the Center for Women's Health and see about bumping up your appt in the event of a cancellation? Oct-Aug does seem like a rather long time to me, especially for someone who is racing against the clock.
I am holding on to lots of hope for you, however. There are a ton of stories in Women Healed about women 40-45 who have their 1st child after being healed with NaPro... a woman's body was designed to do this for ALL of her reproductive years, not just in her 20s- - I think God will bless you with a pregnancy.
Oops, I just read your timeline and realized you did just have the appt with Dr S... sorry, I read your post wrong.
Anyway, everything that you are doing sounds like it will indeed yield good results. Just take one day at a time, and try to get one thing done towards restoring your fertility each day (lining up appt with urologist, buying Mucinex, etc.)
You're right. Every step forward is a good step, however small. Patience has never been one of my more shining virtues. I like big steps. I'm going to have to get that "Women Healed". I've been toying with the idea for long enough.
Hi! Thanks for leaving a comment on my blog and for being encouraging as far as the specialist is concerned!! I'm like you in that I like big steps...here's hoping that God has some big steps in store for us soon!
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