Praying For Hope: I don't think I did

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

I don't think I did

Peak, that is. My monitor reading made a U-turn and is headed back down again. That means we could be approaching the big peak day. Maybe today? Maybe tomorrow? Maybe last week? I'm telling myself to take this cycle a day at a time. If I'm going to peak, I hope it's tomorrow or the next day. I don't know that my husband and I will get a chance to be together before then.

Yesterday, when I saw the monitor readings had turned around and that I still had 10CL, I really wanted to find time with my husband. Unfortunately, he spent all evening yesterday preparing for his fantasy baseball draft tonight. I'm ashamed to say that I started to get miffed last night when I realized he wouldn't be done with the fantasy baseball stuff before I went to bed. I tried not to. I tried to remember that I'd put all of this in God's hands and that through His guidance, we'd find the right days to be together. All of that flew out the window, of course.

I feel so bad for poor DH. He gets caught in the middle of it all. He asked if I wanted him to come to bed, but I told him to continue with the baseball stuff. I didn't want to force him. Then I felt myself becoming completely unreasonable, thinking that he should know that I want him to come to bed because I'd mentioned earlier that we might not have yet peaked. He should be able to read my mind and know precisely what I want him to do. Shame on him for not having superhuman powers.

DH could see me getting sullen. It got to the point where he asked if I was mad at him. I told him no. I wasn't either. I was mad at the situation. I couldn't get mad at him for not understanding that when I told him to keep going with the baseball stuff, what I really meant was that he should come to bed.

Poor guy. I'm glad he puts up with me. I don't know if I could in his place.

Anyway, we'll see what happens tonight. DH will try to get back home at a reasonable time. I don't like having to do BD on demand, but what can you do? One day - and I pray that it's soon - we'll be a couple when we're "together" and not two people trying to make a baby.

UPDATE: Monitor says peak is today and CM seems to be on track with that. DH is at his fantasy baseball draft now. Bummer. I hope I'm still awake when he gets home.

4 comments:

Fertile Thoughts said...: Hi!
I just your history off ttc. That's great you're working with a Napro Dr. Aren't they great? I noticed you avoided the Proxeed, HAHA! I totally agree about the price :) I just about died. That is probably why my Dh too about 8 months to finish two and 1/2 boxes. AHH! Very frustrating. But I geuss i can't force it down his mouth. HAHA. Anyways, I noticed that you're almost at peak day maybe. This may be TMI but maybe try BD in the morning. That is when a man's hormones are at there peak so it is really hard for them to resist in the morning...I hope you don't mind me saying that, I am just trying to help. I just read that information in the book "Getting Pregnant: What You Ned to Know Right Now". I am planning to put it into practice myself ;)
Many prayers,
Amber; April 1, 2009 at 2:19 PM
Praying for Hope said...: No, I don't mind your suggestion of BDing in the morning. Someone else once mentioned that too. About the only time we get a chance to do that is the weekends though. I get up around 5:25 every morning. Whenever I think about getting up any earlier, I chicken out.; April 1, 2009 at 7:37 PM
Sew said...: I am so tired of sex on demand. We are very lucky to be able to hit peak time. :)

I am so tired, I leave it all in God's hands. He works with less trying to work in my pitiful soul! I figured he has it all under control! ;) hahahaha!!; April 2, 2009 at 5:48 PM
Fertile Thoughts said...: Oh my goodness...5:25 am is to early for any action ;)!; April 6, 2009 at 2:09 PM

TTC History

9/1/2007 - Married to a perfect man.

10/28/2007 - Started the never ending road of TTC at the tender age of 37. How many other people do you know who can name the exact date they started trying for a baby?

3/12/2007 - Decided my husband and I weren't getting anywhere on our own in TTC and and that it was time to look for someone who could help.

4/10/2008 - Attended our first CreightonModel Fertility Care class and started tracking my cycle.

4/25/2008 - Had our first one-on-one session with our FertilityCare practitioner. We learned a lot. She suggested an appointment with one of the practice doctors, Dr. Mark Stegman, a skilled Napro doctor and surgeon, we took her up on the offer. We might be able to get an appointment some time in August.

4/28/2008 - Got a call from a receptionist from Dr. Stegman's office. Could I come in next week? Yes!

5/5/2008 - My first appointment with Dr. Stegman. He was very thorough in discussing our options and a potential plan of action for us. We'll begin with blood work to establish a hormone profile series in my next cycle.

5/2008 - Blood work every other day for two weeks. The nurse at the front desk knew me by sight by the time we were done. I nearly passed out at the payment desk on the day they took 10 vials of blood. That was pleasant. Did I mention that I hate needles?

5/27/2008 - Our first seminal analysis (SA). We're not keen on the special condom meant for the job.

6/30/2008 - Our follow up appointment with Dr. Stegman to learn about the results of our tests and where we go from there. My blood work looks good. My husband's SA looks good, too, except for forward progression. We scored a 1+. I believe 2+ is the preferred score. Dr. S recommends Proxeed. He also tells us he wants to schedule a selective hysterosalpingogram, a hysteroscopy, and a laproscopy some time late summer or early fall.

7/30/2008 - Being too cheap to shell out over $600 for a 6-month supply of Proxeed, my husband and I opt for the generic equivalent. It's a lot of vitamins, but it's much kinder to our wallet.

9/8/2008 - I have the preliminary exam, blood work, and tests prior to my surgery. I'm so nervous, I'm about ready to run screaming out the door, down the steps, across the parking lot, and straight home so I can hide under the bed with the dog. It's a miracle that I don't.

9/9/2008 - I have the SHSG, hysteroscopy, and laparoscopy and, much to my surprise, I survive. My tubes are good (woo hoo!), and I have no adhesions. Dr. S removes three polyps and "quite a bit" of endometriosis. It doesn't look that bad in the pictures of the surgery. It's fascinating to see what I look like from the inside out.

9/10/2008 - 9/12/2008 - I look like Shamu.

10/30/2008 - We're told that everything from the surgery looks good. The scars will fade over the coming months. We're to try to make a baby on our own for the next 6 months. Dr. S calls this "the fun part."

1/30/2009 - We have another appointment with our FertilityCare practioner (we've had quite a few before this, but I haven't mentioned them). She thinks Dr. Stegman might try me on Clomid as a next step. I hope it's Femara. It's not nearly as drying.

2/3/2009 - We have our second SA. We're still not keen on the condom.

3/4/2009 - This is fun?

3/27/2009 - The scars from the laparoscopy are nearly gone. Oh, and I'm 39.

4/9/2009 - Another appointment with Dr. Stegman. We learned the results of the SA. The numbers are no worse than the first - in fact some are much improved - but forward progression is no better. Our plan of action: optimize mucus by taking Mucinex twice a day from CD8 - P+1 plus 500 mg of extended release B6 daily for 2 months followed by 100 mg daily. DH is to make an appointment with a local urologist while Dr. S contacts a urologist in Philly with an interest in male infertility to learn if there is any more we could be doing. Next follow up: August.

4/29/2009 - We - or more like DH - had our urologist appointment. Official dianosis: nothing. No varicoceles, no prostate problems. Prescription: continue doing what we're doing. For this we needed a urologist?

5/29/2009 - Dr. S is booked for the month of August! They said they'd call when August opened up for appointments. I didn't hear the phone ring. September opens up next week. An additional month of nothing. I'm 39 - Methuselah in TTC years. How many months do I have left?

7/16/2009 - Ho hum.

7/24/2009 - Another FerterlityCare appointment. Our FertilityCare practitioner, Kim Lane, suggested that Dr. S may be taking his cue from me as to how aggressively we want to pursue treatment. I need to come up with a few new cues so we can get off the wait-and-see treadmill.

9/17/2009 - Another follow-up with Dr. Stegman. Our plan starting with the next cycle: 1) Limited hormonal profile, 2) An ultrasound series to monitor follicle development, 3) Ovulation stimulation (type and amount to be determined by the u/s series), 4) Food intolerance testing (is it ALCAT?), 5) Five cycles of Amoxicillin from CD8 - CD12 to improve CM.

9/28/2009 - The beginning of another hormone profile and, a new one for me, a follicular ultrasound study. This should be interesting provided I can keep track of all the appointments.

10/4/2009 - 5th ultrasound and three follicles! Can you imagine? So what does that make FSH?

11/11/2009 - Progesterone and Thyroid support! We had another appointment with Dr. S to discuss the test results and come up with another plan of action. FSH and LH were only 5.7 and 5.1 respectively - good levels, good ratio - but TSH and Reverse T3 were slightly high and progesterone plummeted afer P+5. Ovulation looks great, so no ovulation stimulation . . . yet. Ah, well.

12/8/2009 - I am a fertility magnet. Anyone in my vicinity will, given the opportunity, become pregnant within a year, TTC or not. Whether it be a 20 year old woman or an 80 year old man, it doesn't matter. All those around me, as long as they're not actually me, will have a child. I am blessed with an awesome power. . . . How do I reverse the polarity?

1/27/2010 - BFP. Stunned.

1/28/2010 - I called Dr. S's office the moment they opened. We have blood work this afternoon, 200mg of Progesterone, and a prenatal appointment. Prenatal. With a midwife. I'm really pregnant. Me.

1/29/2010 - P+17 numbers are hCG, 472, and Progesterone, 10.2. PIO twice a week, Mondays and Thursdays. I can’t sit down, but I’m too restless to care. The HPT was right.

2/1/2010 - You do not make a desperate, hormonal woman wait for P+21 hCG results! By the way, they're 1670. I'm limp with relief.

2/11/2010 - There’s a baby in there! Our first ultrasound. Junior is measuring 6 weeks, 1 day with a heart rate of 96 bpm.

2/16/2010 - Progesterone results from the last blood draw haven’t budged, so we’re adding daily progesterone suppositories to the twice a week injections. I’ll do whatever it takes.

3/2/2010 - Progesterone has risen to 27.4, zone 3! No PIO for now, just suppositories until the next blood draw in two weeks. If it still looks good (fingers crossed), we may be able to stop the suppositories. Knock on wood, knock on wood, knock on wood . . . .

3/27/2010 - New decade: I'm 40!

4/5/2010 - No more progesterone. The level at the last blood draw is 30 which I don't think sounds particularly high. If the experts are happy, I'm happy. And the results from the Down Syndrome screening came back: we're at no greater risk for Downs than anyone else. We're breathing again, until the next milestone at least.

5/18/2010 - It’s a mobile, little girl! Keep growing, kiddo.

10/11/2010 - Welcome Kathleen Elizabeth.